Defeating Douchebags

This morning I drove my regular route to work, which starts at the NJ Turnpike Extension. I was in the left lane, pretty close to another car which was in front of me. This blue Nissan Altima comes up behind me, and then quickly switches to the right lane. He can't get any further in the right lane, and I immediately knew what was going to happen.

You know the type, hot-headed white guy who has to get everywhere immediately. The guy that has a tremendously huge ego to cover for his incredibly small manhood. And seriously, what type of male drives a bright blue Nissan Altima?! Maybe a blue Ford Mustang, but a Nissan Altima?! That type of car is for grandmas who are going through their life-end crisis!

So anyway John Douchebag #1 is riding close to the driver in the right lane. Suddenly, he jerks over to the left, forcing his way into the minuscule space between me and the driver in front of me. I honk long and loud. And do you know what he does next? Yes, he slams on his brakes in a failed attempt to get me to rear-end him. Oh no he didn't!

I am usually very docile, however people who are terrible drivers ignite a spark of rage within me. John Douchebag #1 not only crossed the line, he invaded my territory and started constructing cheap condos on it. After honking even more at him and flipping him off, I remembered that New Jersey is the best state ever and encourages the reporting of aggressive drivers. I followed John Douchebag #1 and gained his license plate number (New Jersey UBH 25T, if any one's interested). I then called the Turnpike Police and reported his ass.

Now I highly doubt that he will be reprimanded for this. And yes, it's silly and stupid. But knowing that I take down one Douchebag a week for the rest of my life will push me that much closer to reaching self-actualization. And the world will become a better place. Holler.