Eligible Eddie

Edward Snowden, the National Security Agency (NSA) consultant who leaked top-secret surveillance programs to the press, is looking for a country to grant him asylum.  His method for requesting asylum has been limited to submitting written requests via fax due to his inability to leave the airport in Moscow. 

Since Snowden is American, he should handle this in a very American way: REALITY DATING SHOW! OMG!

So, let me rephrase the first paragraph:

Edward Snowden, a hunky and daring bachelor, is looking for the love of his life.  After suffering through a scornful and tumultuous relationship with his ex-girlfriend, America, Eddie is looking for love all around the world!   He’ll strut his stuff for a gaggle of gorgeous world leaders, with the expectation that one of them will select him for sexy sanctuary!

A few weeks into the competition has already proven to be interesting and cutthroat.  Here are the potential suitors and their current impressions of Eddie:

• America is a woman scorned!  How dare Eddie betray her!  If she can’t have Eddie, she’ll make life miserable for any potential suitor.
• Uninterested India is uninterested in Eddie.  She usually goes for a different type.
• Cryptic China won’t say how she feels.  Oh, what a mystery she is!
• Backpedaling Ecuador changed her mind!  Her initial lust after Eddie was shredded after realizing the havoc that bitter America would wreak on their picturesque life together.
• Proud Poland, Beautiful Brazil, and Nice Netherlands don’t want the drama.
• Reluctant Russia is willing to negotiate, but she wants Eddie to change his dangerous ways!
• Underdog Bolivia needs some attention.  She’s made her interest known, but is smothered by the popularity of the other competing countries.  She’s starving for the fame and has planned something drastic to get noticed…
• Voluptuous Venezuela has made her desires known.  She wants Eddie big time and she is willing to make it happen.

Is Eddie is secret talks with China?  Will he change his daredevil ways to be with Russia?  Or will he fall for the open attraction voiced by Bolivia and Venezuela?  Find out next week on… ELIGIBLE EDDIE!

Reaction to "Encounter at Farpoint"

This is the first episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation.  This episode does what every other series opener does: introduce the characters.  But I am not here to give you a recap of each character's personality.  Other than Commander Riker, a.k.a. Number One (hahahahahah, BATHROOM HUMOR!), looking pretty creepy without his signature beard, the cast features a standard lineup of characters and they are not worthy of my comments at this time.

I would like to go straight to the entity they call "Q."  I don't know exactly what Q is, but he appears to be some sort of advanced being that occasionally takes a human form in order to toy with the crew of the Enterprise.

(Just a side note for those of you who are not into Star Trek but are reading this out of the kindness of your hearts, the Enterprise is this big, ol' starship and its mission is to discover new worlds and new civilizations in space.  Some of the characters on the show are hot, but this series was filmed in the 1980's so they all look really cheesy.  Onward.).

After watching this episode, I realized that Q is played by actor John de Lancie and not James Woods.  I don't know why, but I always thought that James Woods played Q.  I mean, James Woods is all over the place so it just made sense to me that he was the guest actor in the series.  

(I might also add here that I am really bad with watching movies and TV.  Due to the lack of knowledge I have about the players in the entertainment industry, I easily confuse actors.  To illustrate, I recently went to the movie theater for the first time since 2005.  Also, watching TV consists of either sports programming or science/nature shows.  Regardless, I am a blast at parties.  Really.).

To save you the trouble of Googling their images, I bring you John de Lancie and James Woods, respectively.

Maybe they don't look a lot alike, but in my head they're both big-headed (physically) and their voices are similar.  Either one of them could play the part of Q successfully.  Wait a second... I know another big-headed guy with a distinct voice...

..."The Voice of the Yankees" Michael Kay.  Imagine if Michael Kay played Q?  He would make the Q character even more condescending than he already is.  Here's an example.  I give you an exchange between Picard (the captain of the ship, played by Patrick Stewart) and Q from Encounter at Farpoint: 

Q: What an interesting idea! Prosecute and judge! But suppose it turns out that we understand you Humans only too well."
Picard: We have no fear what the true facts about us will reveal.
Q: Facts about you? Splendid, splendid, Captain! You're a veritable fountain of ideas. There are preparations to make, but when we next meet, Captain, we'll proceed exactly as you suggest.

Now let's see that again, except with Michael Kay playing the part of Q:

Michael Q: HEY FANS, that's an interesting idea, but not as interesting as what I have to say!  WHO BUT Humans to prosecute and judge!  But suppose it turns out that I know everything about Humans and baseball even though Ken Singleton is way more experienced than I am."
Picard: We have no fear what the true facts about us will reveal.
Michael Q: Facts about you? This conversation has been an unmanageable five minutes.  Regardless, the notion is a good idea.  You are a Jeterian fountain of ideas.  There are preparations to make, but I'm hungry and I need to eat chicken parm and not vegetables.  Captain Picard, SEE YA!

I think Michael Kay would win an Emmy.

Discussion Question: What other characters could Michael Kay play, and how would the dialogue go?

  

I'm Back

I love writing.  I love it a lot, but I've been terrible with finding the time to do it.  So now that some of my time has freed up, I've decided to write as much as I possibly can.  And I figure my good, old blog is the best place to start.

I will be featuring a specific type of post.  This is some real, heavy nerd-stuff... I have decided to watch Star Trek: The Next Generation from beginning to end.  I watched some of it as a kid, but I don't remember much about it other than the characters.  So I bring you a regular feature, Liz's Reaction to Star Trek: The Next Generation (I'll probably think of a cooler name for it as I move forward).  If you know me, you'll know that this won't be just a recap.  True Liz style involves sarcastic and spontaneous reaction.  If you are not familiar with Star Trek, or you're terrified of it, you should be able to follow along.

For those of you who have decided to remain terrified, I am also committed to writing a bunch of stuff that has nothing to do with Star Trek.

Here I go...

Stay Tuned...

There is more to come.

3 Types of People Who I Block on Facebook

I, like everyone else who regularly uses Facebook, get annoyed with others who display a consistent type of status update (consistent, being the key word). The consistency is to the point where the person’s status updates are predictable and annoying. We are all bothered by different things. For all I know, one of your boiling points might be people who write blogs about Facebook. I would like to share with you things that bother me. Thus, 3 Types of People Who I Block on Facebook…

1. Complainer
This is the type of person who is perpetually pissed off about everything and feels the need to spew their negativity for all of Facebook to see. For example, “WTF I have been waiting at the doctor for a half an hour!” or “FML – I can’t believe I ripped my pants again!” It’s not so much the complaining that gets to me – people need to vent – but the frequency of complaints. Incessant negativity from one single person is not something that I like to read and therefore… BLOCKED!

2. Religious Zealot
I absolutely respect a person’s freedom of religion and their right to convey that religion’s message. But when someone is so delusional about their religion to the point where they: 1. Think that everyone agrees with them and 2. They begin to judge and /or criticize others who don’t agree… BLOCKED! I don’t have room on my message board for your hate.

3. People Hater
This person’s status updates always begin with, “I hate people who…” OK, what makes you so immaculately perfect? Yes, people who drive slowly in the left lane are annoying, but according to this person, so are stupid people, those who lift weights wrong at the gym, and apparently everyone else in this world. Again, we all get annoyed with others and sometimes need to vent about it – no problem with that. However, if that is the message conveyed in every single one of your status updates, you definitely need to attend a collaboration workshop or admit to whatever imperfection that you’re in denial over. BLOCKED!

Honorable Mentions: Serial Advertiser (always repeatedly selling something via status update, whether it is a blog or yourself), Intricate Detail Provider (I will tell you about every little thing in my life, a few times a day. That includes the very invasive medical procedure on my anus), Self-Promoter (basically just me, me, me, me, me, me, me, I don’t care what you think, me, me, me).

I realize that me complaining about the people who annoy (hate is a strong word, and you should refrain from using it) me might be a little contradictory in regards to the topic of this entry. The fact is, we are all Complainers/Religious Zealots/People Haters, but the majority of us do it in moderation. I feel that venting through Facebook is extremely therapeutic, but it pushes people away when it becomes a consistent reaction.

What types of “Facebook” people set you off?

Do Not Interrupt

I just saw this poll on tmz.com which inspired me to write. The poll asks whose outburst was the worst: Kayne West (interrupting Taylor Swift during her award acceptance at the VMA’s), Rep. Joe Wilson (interrupting President Obama during his speech), or Serena Williams (berating a tennis official during one of her matches).

In my opinion, it is clearly Rep. Joe Wilson who is guilty of the most disrespectful outburst. Regardless of who the president is, you do not disrupt that man from speaking! The president can eradicate you from all political existence and he can banish you to community service with cranky, old people. The man can even sentence you to be Rush Limbaugh’s Supreme Bathroom Cleaner (a friend of mine’s uncle had a second cousin whose pastor had a brother that did this job – it’s not that fun).

So to all who read this, please be respectful and do not interrupt others when they are publicly speaking… you may wind up in the marsh of perpetual reek that is Rush Limbaugh’s bathroom.

Shocking Revelation #1 - Music

I was heavily involved in music growing up. I played the flute/piccolo, dabbled with piano and trumpet, and sang in chorus. Instead of listening to the sounds of the 90’s, I worshiped the pioneers of rock n’ roll. I frequented Broadway musicals and performed in a dance routine in my high school’s talent show.

Thus, my shocking revelation: I am not a music lover. I believe that I immersed myself in musical programs to feed my compulsive need for achievement.

I am not knocking musicians or music in general. Having experienced what it’s like to play and write music, I appreciate the talent that most musicians possess. I think that a musical background is a positive influence on children and that it enhances certain aspects of their knowledge and personality.

With that being said, here are some thoughts I have about today’s music:

*I do not like going to concerts unless it’s a concert that features a “legend.”
Legends I have seen: David Gilmore, Lou Reed, Pete Townsend
Musicians whom I consider to be a legend: Paul McCartney, Robert Plant, Bob Dylan

*I am conflicted as to whether Madonna is a musician or not, however I consider her to be a legend.

*Britney Spears is neither a musician nor a legend. I will admit that some of her “tunes” are catchy.

*I do not gain anything from listening to an album cover-to-cover. When I say that I like a song, and someone responds with, “That’s a great album,” consider the meaningful part of the conversation over.

*After listening to Bob Dylan at a very young age, I was thoroughly convinced that there was something mentally wrong with him.

*Over past five years, songs that are included in the rock/alternative genre sound painfully alike. The same goes for hip hop and R&B.

In conclusion: Was I/Am I living a lie or just getting old? Let’s find out in 10 years.